How Do We Handle Rejection Related to Our Art?
Disappointment related to our art is a heavy energy that brings about a sense of pain and stuckness when we are trying to live our most creative lives. A dark cloud in our chest, cement-filled legs, a lack of confidence in the art we just performed with zest a couple nights ago. Disappointment is akin to rejection, and perhaps they are shapeshifters merging in and out of each other. I am a musician and a therapist, and this creates opportunities to witness my sensitive self as I go through the numerous disappointments and “rejections” it takes to be a successful artist. The pain of not getting a gig, or another fiddle player being chosen for a band does lessen through experience, but it can’t just be experience that lessens the pain alone. Just like learning a piece of music, I have to practice letting go of each disappointment that comes after the hope that bloomed in my chest.
Our Past Trauma Effects How We React
From a trauma-therapy lens, we handle our disappointment and rejection in vastly different ways, often dependent on our early childhood and other relational experiences. Disappointment and rejection can feel like an abandonment of sorts, and if we have been abandoned in relationships, each disappointment can trigger an old grief. Some people become extremely upset, to a point of upregulation accompanied by self-criticism that can feel like a sharp knife into our tender vulnerabilities. Some people completely shut down, or dissociate, from the pain of having our art rejected. This reaction can seem more docile on the outside, but emotions are being pushed down and smothered. They will eventually need to rise to the surface and be felt. Trauma therapy can help, whether it is EMDR (read more about this here), creative trauma processing with art or music, or talking about what has happened in your life with a loving therapist. When we dig deeper and find the roots of our reactions, we can unwind the pain and be released from the pull of our extreme emotions.
Whatever You Do, DO NOT STOP CREATING
When your art piece didn’t make it into the gallery or you didn’t receive that promotion you wanted or you didn’t get the part in the commercial you auditioned for, you probably will feel some degree of disappointment, perhaps rejection as well. First, have so so much compassion for yourself. The hurt or disappointment you feel means that you care. Let yourself feel the hurt through tears or writing or ranting, and know that it will pass as you let it process. After you give yourself permission to feel, CREATE! This is your birthright, and you are an artist. You don’t have to create in the way you usually do, but make something. Draw a picture with your kid, or make a fairy house in the woods, something completely non-productive. When we bring the energy of play to creativity, the wounds of disappointment are soothed by the reminder that we can feel joy.
Take A Break From Social Media
As artists, social media is how we are often seen, our portfolio to show the world. After not getting a gig we want, our brains can use the constant viewing of other artists as a comparison trap: not being as happy or successful as other artists out there. Give yourself a break from the apps when you are feeling this specific disappointment. Call your friend who makes you laugh, pick up your guitar and write a song about cheese, or bake some cookies to nurture your inner child. We aren’t supposed to have so many opportunities to compare ourselves when we are in a place of disappointment, and when you feel yourself falling into the trap, put down the phone.
Alchemizing Disappointment into Fiery Inspiration
You are an artist! No matter how many people reject you or do not choose you for a project, keep making art. It can be so challenging to continue to create and perform when we don’t receive the sweet nectar of validation, but as humans, we were born to express ourselves through creativity. Over time, we learn to validate ourselves and feel the true reward in the process of creation. Of course, this is easier said than done, and often a skill that is cultivated by unwinding stuck trauma in our systems. One of my soul passions in the world is to help people move through their trauma to unleash their creative genius in the world. Reach out to me to find out more.