We all live in the uncertainty of human existence, but there are particular challenges when it comes to growing and carrying a baby into the world. There are milestones: fertility and calling in a baby, conception, getting past the first trimester, the anticipation of the 20 week scan, the continued symptoms that our body is ever expanding and widening to make room for this little being, and the impending uncertainty of birth. The uncertainty exists whether or not it’s your first child, and while there is a thin line between anxiety and excitement, we can be driven mad by the “not knowing” of it all.
Sitting in My Own Liminal Space
I am currently 21 weeks pregnant, so smack dab in the middle of the journey. I’m past the secrecy of the first trimester where we refrain from telling our community and past the 20 week scan, which caused a large level of anxiety for me this time around. Now I’m wading through this second trimester, readying for the slowness and expansion of the third. This is my second pregnancy, and I can confidently say that I am more steady and calm than I was in the first. I am still pondering the questions: How do we embrace the unknown of pregnancy and birth? How do we live in this “in between land” in the short but also seemingly never ending journey from conception to birth? Here are a few ideas and considerations that have helped to cushion and bring my journey into a flow.
Support from Your Women
Lean on support from the people you feel comfortable with. Allow yourself to take in love and nourishment in the form of food, baby gifts, kind words, hugs, and anything else that makes you feel safe and supported. Being around your close women right now can be especially helpful. We sink into our feminine wisdom together during pregnancy and appreciate the lineages of those who have given birth before us. Your close women can help hold the feelings of the unknown with you. Pregnancy is a unique stage when your intuition is strong, and you can feel things on a deeper level than before. Bask in this widening of senses, and be around the people who appreciate it.
No Traumatic Birth Stories
When I was first pregnant, the amount of traumatic births that were shared was overwhelming. Now, I realize we need a place to share and process, but a woman preparing her mind, body and soul for her unique experience of birth is not the place to share trauma. I encourage you to say “stop!” If someone starts to go into their birth story with no warning. It can be helpful to hear hopeful and positive experiences, but to introduce new fears into our consciousness is often unhelpful. Say something like this, “I am only receiving positive experiences of birth at this time.” Setting this boundary will protect you from any anxieties that could be planted in your thoughts about your own birth. Everyone is different with what they need and want to hear about birth stories, so notice what boundaries are the most helpful for you. Channel some of that growing momma bear energy to help you set the boundary.
Turn Off Social Media and Listen to the Stirrings of your Heart
We are bombarded with images and advice and pictures of the “perfect” pregnancy. We are told what to eat and not eat, the movement we need to be doing, the particular way we need to stretch our perineum before we give birth. These tips can be helpful, but there comes a time when we need to turn off the noise and turn inward to listen to what we truly need. We might feel so exhausted that we can’t imagine doing that pregnancy pilates routine we planned on. We might really really need a juicy cheeseburger when our salmon salad recipe was on the dinner menu. Remember that you are the expert on your body and your pregnancy. Listen to the stirrings of your heart. Listen to the wisdom of your body. This is a time where we are deeply connected to our body, which you may have noticed with those wild cravings that can come. (I craved a tuna sandwich at 11pm one night.) Eat the thing you are craving and rest, rest, rest.
And So It Is
The grand theme of these thoughts are to listen and trust the wisdom of your body. When I work with women in the perinatal stages of their lives, I am struck by the power we exude. Set as many boundaries as you need in pregnancy. Just as your womb is set up to protect your baby, your boundaries are there to create your own sort of nest. I send you all so much love on your journey, whether you are at the very early stages of thinking about bringing a baby into the world, or you are 40 weeks pregnant and counting. Reach out to me, and read more on my therapy for women page for support.