Navigating Life as a Woman with ADHD
Navigating life as a woman with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) can feel like you are drowning in the wild ocean of everyday life. The people outside of you seem to know and understand organization. They are set up on a tidy little organization island while the waves of distraction pull you out to sea. The waves crash and move you up, down, left, right, often simultaneously. Women are expected to navigate these waves with grace and poise, all the while getting done all of the endless tasks of adulting. Whether you are a mom or childless, single or partnered, unique expectations are placed upon our shoulders to achieve and set up a clean and creative home with a smile on your face. When you are a woman with ADHD, already expected to manage multitasking more than our male-identifying counterparts, the tasks can pile up and our bodies can freeze, not knowing where to go next or what to do. A cycle of internal chaos. A feeling of impending doom. A gnawing at the pit of our stomachs. There is hope and a unique path to navigate the map of your mind, body and soul with the diagnosis of ADHD.
How Does ADHD Manifest for Women?
While ADHD can show up in different ways no matter your gender, there are some characteristics that seem to be prevalent in female vs. male. One of the first challenges of identifying ADHD in women is that we tend to try to mask the symptoms. There can be so much shame in not being able to “keep it all together” or complete all the bazillion tasks that every day life demands. This can cause a rigid sense of perfectionism or overpreparation for events. Sometimes women with ADHD seem deeply lost in thought or even dissociated from the moment. Men tend to express ADHD with physical hyperactivity such as fidgeting in their seat or constant movement. For women this hyperactivity shows up in being hyper-verbal with ideas streaming through a mile a minute. As with many situations in society, men tend to externalize their ADHD symptoms while women present with more internalized symptoms. We could write a novel incorporating possible societal causes of this cough the patriarchy cough, because women are given less permission to speak and take up space in general, but we won’t jump down that rabbit hole in this piece.
Because of these different presentations of symptoms, men are more likely to be noticed and diagnosed earlier in life. Women are often misdiagnosed with mood disorders like depression or anxiety before finding out they have ADHD. When our brains function differently than our linear society is set up for, of course there will be anxiety and depression, but this could be an effect of not having the resources to navigate the world with the wisdom of our ADHD.
Alchemizing the Creative Energy of ADHD
You are not alone. It is possible to use this creative energy brimming over in you in a way that can move mountains. We live in a world that expects you to live in tight and tiny boxes, but this isn’t the only way to do things! Often, women with ADHD have a deep ability to go into a state of focus that people without ADHD do not experience. This can be seen as a “flow” state, and can result in writing an album, or designing a new structure for a company, or building a business from the ground up. What I have found to be a deciding factor of “falling into the flow” is the interest we have in the creative act. A woman with ADHD is more likely to go into this beautiful state of hyperfocus when she deeply cares about the project at hand. This is also a way to honor what we actually care about, instead of wasting time on meaningless tasks. Things often don’t fit into those tidy tiny boxes, and we are so lucky to have the creative souls, also diagnosed with ADHD, to help us navigate outside the lines. I LOVE working with the trials and tribulations associated with being a woman with ADHD, and my therapy for women page will tell you more about my lens. I leave you with this: Your world is full and overflowing with creativity. When you wake up, there is a well of creative energy waiting for you, and you are here to learn the ways to direct it. Remember: out of destruction and chaos comes creation.